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Read MoreTo keep it simple, spectatoring takes you out of enjoying the moment or moments (if your partner knows what they’re doing) and instead of enjoying the sex for what it is, you are worried about what your body and hair looks like to your partner. It can be described as an out of body experience, you’re aware of what’s going on but, distracted and can’t focus.
am going to start by being honest: I am prone to being stressed the fuck out. I know I barely have things to stress about (relatively speaking) but in retrospect, I have seen some of the signs: stress eating, too much sleep, mismanagement of my time resulting in disappointment and intense procrastination. Plus, climate change has 2018/2019 feeling like coldest winter ever (on top of the 365 day long hunger games, also known as 2018) which is the perfect time for my seasonal depression to set in.… It has taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that I battle depression and anxiety, even after my homegirl Dr. Donna Oriowo hinted that my anxiety may be something I want to NOT gloss over, (which I kind of did any way)… But in a weird way I found comfort in realizing that I’m just one of the billions of people on earth dealing with what could either be intersectional oppression or my bad habit of giving too many fucks about things I cannot control, like Donald Trump being President.
Read MoreI read the self-help book called The Girls' Guide to Sex Education: Over 100 Honest Answers to Urgent Questions about Puberty, Relationships, and Growing Up by Michelle Hope. Let me be the first to say, this is not an area I often venture into. However, when you get to meet the author and hear why she created a book, even if it is not exactly directed at you, you read it!
Read MoreWe need to work on setting our expectations around sex and relationships and then making sure others are aware of these boundaries.
Read MoreSo, I have been thinking, re-thinking, and thinking some more about the concept of consent. I already wrote on this subject a month or so ago. It was posted to BLAVITY here. The gist of that article speaks about how there is no intersectionality with consent in the mainstream media. Meaning that when we talk about who has the rights to rule and govern their bodies, we are often talking about the power struggle between white men and white women. Men have dominated over women, and have called it God’s will. This way of ruling is similar but, some may say less harsh, than the way White men have also lorded over People of Color. Basically, the idea being that is has historically been okay to rape Black women and women of color, because people feel like people who are considered Jezebels, don’t have the right to say “NO!”…
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Recently I had the honor of meeting with Dr. Jess for her podcast, Sex with Dr. Jess and we spoke about sexual compatibility. I don’t think it’s much of a secret that I think folk use the idea of being sexually compatible as a cop out.
What I mean is that we often work hard as hell to NOT try but then blame everything on sexual compatibility. We will say there is no chemistry, that we feel off, and have really done no work. Now, you know that I am a whole assed sex and relationship therapist so ima give you a short run down on the tea spilt in that conversation with Dr. Jess.